Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Perhaps of some use?

Found this lovely site for Luigi Nono:
Luigi Nono

And I received this hilarious email today:
Ye Olde Doctoral Music Exam

1. Explain the difference between sforza, sforzando, sforzata, and La Forza Del Destino. Be specific.

2. Redesign the traditional cup mouthpiece to permit greater endurance, a larger sound and effortless altissimo register. Explain why your design is better than contemporary models.

3. List Johann Sebastian Bach's male and female children. Include their dates of birth and death (if deceased), middle names (if any), last known address and Social Security numbers.

4. Name all of the composers who wrote a First Symphony and notate the opening theme of each of those symphonies.

5. What is the relationship and musical significance of the 10th and 11th bars of the aria "Soldaten, Soldaten" to the aria's final bars (1048-1063) in the Alban Berg opera "Wozzeck"?

6. Who conducted "Tannhauser" at the 1847 Bayreuth Festival? Was he right or left-handed?

7. How many members of that orchestra were Jewish? Name them. (A Trick Question).

8. Trace the development of the "Family Unity" theme in Richard Strauss's "Sinfonia Domestica". In which key(s) is it presented?

9. Describe in detail the formula for the varnish on violins made by Stradivari during the first third of his career. Explain how this varnish differs from the varnish used on his violas. What modern substances could be effectively substituted in duplicating this formula today?

10. What is the optimum acidity/alkalinity (expressed in pH) for soil in which cane for bassoon reeds may be grown? For bass clarinet reeds? For Alto clarinets? For Artie Shaw?

11. Name and describe the bones and muscles involved in forming a brass player's embouchure.

12. What are the advantages of using xylophone mallet heads made of:
a. Ebony? b. Teak? c. Philippine Mahogany? d. Stale marshmallows?

13. Argue both sides of the following statement: "The most important element in music is rhythm." Critique both arguments and decide which is correct, or more nearly correct. Compose a three-movement symphonic metamorphosis (not to exceed 1 hour in length) on a theme by Ned Rorem to support your decision.

14. Defend Mozart's use of the glass harmonica and explain why this instrument has lapsed into disfavor, especially among Latin bands and Punk Rock groups.

15. Give the "Slap-Back" time in seconds (to three decimal places) of each hall used by all major American and European orchestras. Defend your selection of each orchestra as a "major" orchestra and name each orchestra's past and present conductors.

16. In which of his symphonies did Franz Joseph Haydn use:
a. Clarinets b. Horns c. Bassoon d. Slide Whistle e. Theremin

17. Write out the first 25 bars of Stravinsky's "Circus Polka". Watch those key changes!

18. What is the Kochel number of Mozart's 4th Horn Concerto? Why didn't he write a fifth?

19. Develop a simple set of general rules that explain the harmonic and melodic progressions, voice leadings and rhythmic notation of the music of Bartok and The Macarena

20. Give the ratio between the bore and overall length of a Couesnon Contra-Bass trombone, Model G-571a, when the slide is in flat 4th position. If the position is used in conjunction with both thumb valves (F and D) to play the 7th note of the overtone series, what note will be sounded? Will it be sharp, flat, or in tune? If sharp or flat, by how many hundredths of a semitone?

21. Who invented the Ocarina? In what year? Why?

22. Explain the musical inconsistencies as to key, notation, accidentals, etc, found in the original score of Robert Schumann's Symphony #3.

23. Write a seven-voice motet in the style of Orlando di Lassus in invertible counterpoint. Ten Extra credits if the motet can also be performed backwards. Twenty Extra Credits if it sounds better that way.

24. Using materials commonly found in the kitchen, construct a 15 rank, 3-manual positiv organ (with pedals) and use it to perform two pieces by Oliver Messiaen.

25. Reconstruct the missing movements of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony.

26. Give the Russian, German, and Serbo-Croatian equivalents of the following Italian terms: Tuffato, Con Amore, Cadenza, Fugato, Garbonza, Mafioso, and Fuggedabowdit.

27. Explain why the jazz-influenced pieces written by Ravel, Stravinsky, Poulenc and Berstein didn't swing.

28. Now that Preservation Hall is under 8' of water, will real jazz continue to exist?

29. Because of the lack of electricity to power Rock Bands in the Coastal Regions of the Southern United States, will the local populations be the first in America to regain their hearing? Defend your position.

30. Rank the following items in order of importance as far as the long-term effects of their invention concerned the destruction of melodic music and explain why:
1. Bagpipes 2. Country/Western bands 3. the Amplified Guitar 4. Stephen Sondheim
5. Mantovani 6. Kenny G 7. Florence Foster Jenkins 8. Arnold Schoenberg 10. Darlene
Edwards 11. Jack Benny 12. The Monkees 13. Nancy Sinatra 14. William Shattner

1 comment: said...

I laughed my ASS OFF!!!


This is obviously FOR MUSICIANS ONLY, particularly with the Legit/Classical background...

I got this from a friend of mine, Alex Nakhimovsky ( great classical & jazz pianist, from Russia With Love, as well) whom I went to Mannes College of Music with in my previous life of a Classical Clarinet player... And boy, did this bring back MEMORIES of my CONSERVATORY YOUTH:)

I was able to trace this to this site Who knows maybe there is more stuff like this there..


"It's never too late to EULOGIZE,
but it's never too soon to ORGANIZE!!!"


“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know
to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.
You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart”.

-- Steve Jobs, founder and CEO of Apple Computer
the father of iPod, a father, CANCER SURVIVOR!!!