R3s34ch

I've just had a breakthrough uncovering relatives of Johann Sebastian Bach. It turns out there were more children and relatives of the great master in the US.

Thanks to Elinor Frey for discovering:

L.O.L. Bach (Loretta Oprah Lorraine) "Laughing Daughter"

O.M.G. Bach (Otto Michael Gottfried) "Pious son"

W.T.F. Bach (Wilhelmine Trombette Friederica) "Inquisitive daughter"

There turns out other relatives included:

A.F.K. Bach (Alfred Friedrich Koppel) "Composed away from the clavier"

B.F.F. Bach (Bartholomew Friedemann Francis) "Trusted friend"

B.R.B. Bach (Brunnhilde Rachel Barbara) "The travelling sister"

B.W.V. Bach (Baptiste Wilhelm Viet) "Genealogical brother"

C.Y.A. Bach (Catharina Yetta Augusta) "Much adieu daughter"

N.O.O.B. Bach (Noah Oren Ornette Bernhard) "Unexperienced cousin"

D.0.0.D. Bach (Dietrich something something Donner) "City slicker whose middle initals appear to be zeros"

P.W.N. Bach (Phillip Wotan Nicholas) "Wealthier and arrogant uncle"

S.N.A.F.U. Bach (Sebastian Nibelung Altnikol Froh Ubung) "Always wrong bungling cousin"

T.E.H. Bach (Theodore Edward Hermann) "The dyslexic brother"

There is more advice here if you run across these or other composers in concert and want to txt someone! Also, Dr. Dick's out of sight car! And you can always have a laugh with our friend Peter Schickele at the PDQ Bach website!

Six Secret Fears

Recently there have been several comments about self criticism creating music, and even Yahoo has had features about "secret fears."

I thought I'd share after the hundreds of interviews I've conducted with composers, the top six fears of composition.

#6. Cleftomania, the fear that you'll steal the attention of the ensemble from having written the wrong notes in tenor clef for upper register cello or wrong notes in viola clef (although only Paul Hindemith would really know if the notes were right or if the violists were just missing them!)

#5. Hollandtosis, the fear that Bernard Holland will review the world premiere or NY premiere of your composition.

#4. Influtenza, the fear that flute choirs will continually commission you for flute choir works - often with bass flute candenzas.

#3. Scorrevolephrenia, the continous flowing or gliding of musical ideas, often found in great American composers born on December 11th, 1908.

#2. inNANESity, the fear that Richard Nanes will write more works, or that your composition will sound like Richard Nanes. (Related to Jenkinsdice or the sounds of Karl Jenkins)

and the #1 secret fear of composers: Chronic Fugue Syndrome, the fear that you will write too fugually OR wind up in one of John's silly blog posts.

Composers suffering from the above symptoms show consult an ASCAP, AMC, ACF or BMI professional immediately as well as book a taping on Dr. Philharmonic (seen right).

I'm sure there are more fears and diseases (let's leave Schubertian VDs out of it, too Spitzer-esque) that composers suffer - leave your fears/suggestions in the comments!